So, in the land of html coding, where I’ve spent a small part of my professional life, there’s a great mechanism for adding comments to a web page’s code that only another code reader can see – they show up in the page’s source code, but not the visual page display most web surfers see. This post is just such a comment – a bit off topic from this blog’s general ramblings of an individual caregiver, but potentially of interest to those who follow the broader (and often political) issues of caregiving, in general. To use yet another Internet-popularized term, it’s a bit of a rant.
My jumping-off point is a recent post in one of my favorite blogs The New Old Age, by Jane Gross, the founding editor of that blog (now admirably managed by Paula Span) and author of the book A Bittersweet Season. In general, I’ve found Jane’s writings to be informative, entertaining and very truthful to the caregiving experience. This post lays out an argument for caregivers to gather up the cudgels of their varied experiences to batter down the doors of anyone playing a role in Medicare and Medicaid reform decisions. “O.k.,” I’m thinking, while reading Jane’s urgings, “this is a conversation in which I can play a part.”
Even more, she also spoke of the scariness many of us who care for parents feel – and run away from – in seeing our own possible fates in the lives of our fathers and mothers:
“No matter how awful their protracted deaths, we don’t look around the next corner and worry about what’s going to happen to us. “I’ll be playing tennis one day and dead the next,” we say. “Or I’ll shoot myself.” The first is unlikely, and the second glib.
I’ve even written about this one, myself, this past summer.
Then Jane completely lost me. Lost me, and any other man who happens also to be a caregiver.
Most mysterious is that this is a women’s issue. Boomer women changed the world for themselves and those who followed at each stage of life — and now they have fallen silent.
….Why did we fight so hard for sexual liberation, birth control and abortion rights, new models of childbirth, respect in the workplace and child care — only to become demure good girls in middle and old age? We’re caring for our parents, yes — but secretly, whispering behind our corporate cubicles to their doctors or pharmacists, cooing appreciation or hissing excoriation at people we’re paying to help take care of them.
So, apart from the demure little girl part, Jane is describing my current life. I work out of a home office instead of a corporate cubicle, but those conversations with doctors and pharmacists and home health aides and elder-law attorneys are eating up just as much of my daily work life as anyone else’s. And, as a self-employed writer, I don’t have any vacation or sick time to fall-back on for the days lost to ER visits and specialists’ appointments. But, apparently, this isn’t my issue to address.
Now, I’m not negating the overwhelming presence of women caregivers. In a 2009 National Alliance for Caregiving survey, 66% of caregivers were found to be women. But that remaining 34% – we’re men. And we need help just as much as the women whose cause Jane champions in her post. And to call this a “woman’s issue,” is to shut the door on any insights men might be able to add to discussions of ways to address the challenges ALL caregivers face.
Of course, I had to add my opinion to the comment section of Jane’s post, and I received a respectful response from Jane, in kind. However, one of the other commenter’s remarks were a truer reflection of what I see as the problems that come up when we try to turn this from a social/health policy issue into a strictly feminist issue (all punctuation and capitalization is quoted as it appears):
oh please! i am so sick of people citing EXCEPTIONS to the rule to “prove” the rule is meaningless…OBVIOUSLY most caregivers as well as most of those needing care are WOMEN…the fact that some (a minority, perhaps 15-30%) of the caregivers are men does not change the FACT that yes, this is a women’s issue, just as the fact that a small minority (less than 10%) of single-parent households are headed by men does not change the fact that single parenting is also overwhelmingly a women’s issue…your personal experience is interesting but irrelevant statistically…the numbers tell the tale…
Did you read that? My personal experience – and the experience of a third of all caregivers – is “irrelevant statistically.” In what other sociopolitical conversation in this country would it be acceptable to write off the experience of a third of the population as “irrelevant statistically”? Take, for example, this data point pulled from the 2010 census by the National Poverty Center: 35% of children living in poverty in the U.S. in 2010 were Hispanic. Would anyone, for one instant, suggest leaving Hispanics out of conversations discussing solutions to childhood poverty in this country?
I take up this issue not as a point of political correctness, but to emphasize that the experience of being male and a caregiver can be very different than it is for women in this country. How, for example, do you design outreach support for a population segment socialized toward self-reliance and emotional privacy? And how do you help those men learn the emotional translation skills they’re going to need to read past a parent’s surface assurances to understand the underlying cries for help? Proclaiming caregiving to be a “woman’s issue” shuts the door on these and other very real hindrances men can face when attempting to do the best they can for their own parents – about half of whom, by the way, are women.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Absolutely!! YES, YES, YES.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Good for you. And I don’t mean that to sound condescending. I’d love for there to be more honest conversation about women and men as caregivers and for that to organize to influence policy. I’m sorry for the comment you received to your comment. Some people are just angry, about everything, and you seem to have pushed a big button for that woman. She might have a brother who doesn’t participate in the care giving of her parent, or maybe she’s caring for her husband’s mother, maybe she doesn’t have a daughter to care for her. There’s some resentment somewhere. Seems like it might be rooted in more of a personal issue than a socio-political one. Statistics are one thing and our personal experience is another. 30% is a large proportion. More than I would have thought.
Most of my exposure to other caregivers has been to women. My brother is not emotionally able to help care for my mother. I’m always curious to see what you write because you are a man. If you look at who comments on your posts, they’re women and my sense is that we are relating to you in a different way than we would if you were a woman. The folks in my caregiver support group at the hospital are women. Sometimes a man shows up but he usually doesn’t come back again. I imagine it’s a little intense to be with the energy in that room or maybe he doesn’t get what he needs there. When there is a man in the group, he receives a different type of attention than the women give to each other. We seem to express more compassion for him than we do for ourselves, as though he’s less equipped to do this.
So, as you say women communicate and connect more about this topic then men do. Are most men caregivers doing this more alone, so we’re not really seeing them, experiencing them. I agree, there needs to be discussion about how to support men differently in this role. There’s probably a way Jane could have written this taking into account the many men who are caregivers, but sometimes it’s easier to go back to it being a woman’s issue. It’s a way we as women have learned to frame issues and that should probably change.
I am also personally interested in the experience of caregiving men. I have one son. He’s actually a wonderful caregiver, an elementary school teacher, took his 3 months unpaid paternity leave to spend time with his newborn son. I would say he and my daughter-in-law are truly almost co-parents. But I worry about him caring for me. I’m not a child and it will be very strange to switch rolls with him. I’m trying to plant little seeds as I talk to him about my caring for my mother, but that never leads to any conversation about that topic. He’s just silent. I take that to mean he’s not interested, but I see that may not be it at all.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Ellen – thanks for your thoughtful response. To address just one of the issues you bring up, support groups and the lack of men in them – this is what I mean when I say men and women approach these issues differently. I am in a support group out of my town’s council on aging. Periodically another man will drop in for a session or two, but that’s generally it. Recently, two men from my church, each caring for a wife with Parkinson’s, stopped in and I chatted with one of them after the next Sunday’s church service – he had been a financial exec with a major chemical company (I think) in his professional life, he’s programmed to solve things. He’s been trying to solve this caregiving situation on his own because he simply didn’t know how to reach out for help. Who knows how his and his wife’s situation – and marriage – now might improve since he’s starting to open that door, and that’s just one man helping one woman. Only half-humorously, I suggest that if support group meetings came with an agenda and a white board, more men might start showing up.
As to your son – I can’t imagine that thoughts about your aging haven’t crossed his mind. It sounds like you’re working to open up a conversation, but maybe he’s afraid to think about the topic, or isn’t understanding the path you’re making available to him. Sometimes these tough topics really need to be addressed more directly.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm12
Yes, you are right. I do need to address aging more directly with my son…when I visit in January. It’s scary and I’ll probably start crying which will be really uncomfortable, but I’ll do it.
It’s true men tend more toward finding solutions. And I’m sure sometimes they’d just like to say, how did I get here, this is so hard and just have someone respond “I know.”
What a great conversation you’ve started here. thanks.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Ellen – you may be giving your son a great gift by starting a direct conversation. Thinking of aging means thinking of dying, and that’s just hard. It sounds like the two of you care for and love each other greatly, though, and that’s a really great foundation to work with. And once the subject’s out there, there may even be humor and laughter along with the tears.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Read the NYT blog yesterday and immediately thought of you and another man I know who had to put his father (an Alzheimer’s patient) in the nursing home 2 weeks ago after he broke his neck in a fall at the house. He’s a freelancer and has been taking care of his dad for 7 years (and his mother). The fact is, anyone can end up being a caregiver, male or female. Most often, it’s whoever has the most flexible career or whoever is the most mentally stable. Most men still are the major breadwinners for a family and don’t have the flexibility of freelancers. I’m female, I’m a freelancer, and I totally expect to become caregiver for at least one of my own or my husband’s parents.
I’ve been watching my mother, age 72, give up her golden years to tend to my 93-y/o grandmother who insists on living at home but is hardly independent. My mom’s sister is unstable and can’t/won’t help her. My own brother works in the finance world, has three kids, and won’t be able to help my parents. My sister-in-law won’t be able to help my husband’s parents because she will need to work (debt) and because she is unstable. My husband works in a office and won’t be able to help his parents (his job provides our healthcare). So, it leaves freelancers and/or housewives to do the work. Male/female, bah!! And, what happens to those who either don’t have children, or have children who can’t or won’t help?
I understand your rant, and I wasn’t happy with Jane’s response. And, I was livid when I saw another poster suggesting that adult children were “entitled” and should be taking care of their parents. Perhaps, but to what degree?
The real issue is that we have no infrastructure for handling the aging population in this country. In an era where it’s likely there may not be Social Security or Medicare for adult children who have been working all their lives, we simply cannot quit our jobs to take care of our parents. That’s what we should be mad as hell about!!!
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 am12
“The real issue is that we have no infrastructure for handling the aging population in this country.” – exactly! Thanks for the comment.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm12
I read that too, and I don’t blame you for being pissed. It was really poorly handled. There *is* an important sense in which caregiving for elders is a “women’s issue,” and that shouldn’t be understood to mean it doesn’t affect men, or that men’s experiences aren’t real or relevant. (The poster who told you’re statistically irrelevant is just clueless. Any way you slice it, 30% is not irrelevant.) It’s a women’s issue *historically* and that influences the reality today in a profound way. The fact that historically, caregiving fell largely to women shapes what caregiving is today – the fact that it is unpaid, still largely invisible and thankless, etc., just as many other traditionally female jobs are still struggling for parity with traditionally male careers. To call it a “women’s issue” in this sense is simply another way of understanding the experience of everyone doing it, male or female, and understanding it in these terms might suggest solutions. To suggest to women that we rebelled against being demure good girls in marriage and the family, so why now are we being demure good girls caring for our parents? is to suggest political strategies for changing this. All that is valid, IMO.
But to brush men off who feel left out of this formulation was simply insensitive – she sort of politely told you you were wrong so get over it, and I could only imagine how pissed off that must have made you. IMO the points she was making simply weren’t made effectively – they didn’t need to be made in such a way as to alienate or insult male caregivers or suggest their experiences don’t count.
And you’re certainly right that if it is framed exclusively as a women’s issue, we might very well overlook the ways in which male caregivers’ experiences are different. (That’s pretty funny about the white boards …)
ILJilly said: “we simply cannot quit our jobs to take care of our parents.”
Nor should we pretend we want to. I mean, maybe some people want to quit their jobs to take care of their parents, but I sure as hell don’t. Maybe some people who both 1) had a really good relationship with their parents and 2) don’t have a career or a job they much care about might actually WANT this role, but I get tired of all the Hallmark-card smarm about how rewarding it is. “Growth opportunity” my eye … I Iove my work, and even if I didn’t, if I had to take care of my mother all day I’d jump off a bridge.
December 21, 2011 at 9:38 pm12
Thank you, Diana – you made a lot of my arguments much more effectively than I managed to make them. I totally understand the historic assumption of women as uber-caregivers. And – given the 66% / 34% ratio of women to men in caregiving roles right now – women still, obviously, predominate. But, is the point that the ratio should be 50/50, or that the system sucks and needs addressing?
Having read the post over multiple times today, I now think Jane was making a couple different points that became jumbled together. One was the predominance of women among caregivers. The second was the predominance of women among the population of the very old, and the need for women to plan for their own elder years. I know that women also represent a demographic majority – currently – among the very old. But I spend a lot of time in one particular rehab and nursing center right now, the center where my father is living and may well be spending what’s left of his life, and female dominance is shifting there, as well.
Since my father’s last round of hospitalization and rehab, I’ve been thinking a lot about Medicare and Medicaid, and I have thought about a blog post addressing my conclusions, but I’ve been afraid of what the blow-back might be. When Medicare was passed in 1965, average life expectancy was a little more than 70 years. My father will be 90 next month. Last month, he had a colostomy, and spent almost 4 weeks in the hospital fighting multiple infections, followed by the current 4-week run in rehab. The cost of all this treatment must be reaching toward $200,000 by now. In 2004, he had a 6-way bypass – that surgery, plus a week in the hospital, ran more than $70,000 in 2004 dollars. Oh, yeah – he also had a knee replacement in, I think, 1989 or 1990. You put those bills together with the specialist appointments and visiting nurse benefits he’s had, and there is absolutely no way what he put into the system comes close to paying the total.
And this is why I feel looking at this from a female- or male-only perspective is missing the point. Maybe Jane’s right, and women will continue to live a year – or three – longer than men… but if we’re talking 84 vs. 87, and people are still starting to collect on Medicare at 65 – and getting 19 or 23 years of knee and hip replacements paid for in the process – well, regardless of gender inequalities, this is not a sustainable program. Health care is expensive, but a certain portion of it is considered a basic human right in most of the developed world. Man or woman, mother or father, son or daughter (or niece or nephew or spouse/partner or friend) – what do we owe each other and ourselves? What are we willing to pay for? These are the questions we need to be thinking about, in my opinion, not whether men or women have earned the greater number of hash marks on some historic score card.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Yes, you’re so right. My father also must have cost the system about 10 times more than he ever put into it. OTOH, the costs are preposterous, it’s like a bad dream. In the nursing home, you’ll see, you look at the Medicare bills and you see trimming of toenails listed as “surgery” and charged at $200.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
I’m really glad you raised this issue – I read Jane’s column at the Times yesterday (though I must have gotten in early, before the dust-up) and was left feeling kind of “ick”.
While I understand the arguments as to why some people think its a woman’s or feminist issue – I think that only serves to further diminish the issue in the minds of society.
I was so excited by her opening too, I though perhaps she was going to discuss the end of the congressional-long-term-care act championed by Teddy Kennedy, and then discuss how today’s caregivers are educated in the system (and the ridiculous ways through and around it) – and how they would rise up to demand a more comprehensive solution for future generations, perhaps including their own.
And – no. That wasn’t at all where she took the argument.
Just as raising a child is no longer exclusively a women’s domain, caring for the elderly is not exclusively a woman’s domain.
And we diminish it by making it so.
I didn’t comment on Jane’s article. Honestly once I got into her “we are women, hear us roar” part of the article – I quickly lost interest in it and felt it was a weak and non-productive argument.
I’m glad that you stood up for yourself and the countless other men out there who are dealing with this. I wish I could have thought to do so – but honestly my quick repulsion to her arguent just made me get out.
I care for my parents, not because I’m a girl. But because I’m the one who got along with them better, and I’m the one who wouldn’t strangle them in their sleep.
Are those two personality quirks of mine (patience and ability to gague their moods/personalities) because I’m a girl?? Or just because of my brother and I – I’m the more level-headed, less frustrateable??
Who knows. Its a pointless argument.
But – everyone in this situation, male / female – needs to understand the system is broken – and the solution – affordable universal health care, and affordable universal long term care (be it in home, or – when it comes to that – in an instituional environment) is something we all need to be actively working to spread the message on.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
“Just as raising a child is no longer exclusively a women’s domain, caring for
the elderly is not exclusively a woman’s domain.”
Well, the point of calling it a “feminist” issue or “women’s” issue is exactly that – that caregiving should NOT be exclusively a woman’s domain. At least to me, that is what is meant by labeling something a “women’s issue.” Not that we are trying to hold onto the inequalities but to do something about them. Feminism called into question traditional roles and deserves a lot of the credit for loosening them very substantially – it’s part of the reason so many men now DO see themselves as able and willing to take on caregiving roles. A generation ago, there REALLY were practically no men doing this. So it’s a shame if calling it a “women’s issue” is heard as saying “Go away” to the men when really it’s just the opposite, or should be.
There’s a lot more men taking a much greater, even primary, caregiving role with their children than with elderly parents, I think. Chuck is something of a trailblazer here. It’s also less talked about because caring for a declining elderly person is WAY less fun. Caring for children is very hard work, but it’s also lots of fun, and very rewarding to see children grow and develop. Caring for someone who is going downhill does not have these inherent satisfactions. I guess some people will tell you it has other satisfactions; frankly, I haven’t been able to perceive these.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Hearing some of the anger on the other board (I went back and commented, and read the comments that have been left) – I do see it as being perceived as a “we are women, you can’t know what we know, go away” issue.
Especially the person who was so angry about being a single mother and so dismissive of Chuck for not having raised children, and thus not deserving of any care himself in his old age.
Apparently, as I don’t have children either – I also must be beneath dignity and humanity. I can only imagine what kind of children she has raised with that level of bitterness and unhappiness.
This is a humanity issue. Sure – child rearing is as well, you’re right. But, maybe because I came of age in the semi-post-feminist years – I don’t see how making this a “we are women!” issue helps anyone?
The feminist rhetoric in Jane’s article alienated many people – certainly men who felt ignored and marginalized. But also probably women as myself – women who (just as the new, millenial generation has been declared “post racial”) don’t think in terms of “men’s role, women’s role”.
Maybe if we (caregivers!) worked to make sure everyone around us knew what was happening – more people who aren’t facing this (right now!) would see the future and be more active – regardless of gender.
I am the squawk box at work. And everytime a well-meaning, but smug, coworker says to me “I will not be a burden to my children” (implying of course that my parents somehow did this to me deliberately) – I politely reply, well you’d better either have a cool million liquid cash, or a loaded gun in the night stand – because otherwise – little munchkins of yours are going to be in my position in 40-50 years.
They really think it won’t happen to them.
I’m sure my parents didn’t think it would happen to them either.. and yet – here we are.
I am a caregiver because I love my parents. Not because I’m a daughter. My parents were good to me, and – so far – I’ve been able to be good to them. I hope I’m able to see them through to the end, but if not – will do as much as I can along the way to give them the best quality of life (and death!) possible.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
a.e.b. – Similarly, I took my Dad in because he couldn’t live by himself anymore and ended up in a St. Louis hospital – 1,200 miles away – as a result. Was he a great father? Nope. He and my mother split when I was 4-1/2 and for the 2-3 years I lived with my mother and two brothers (not his children), I never received as much as birthday card or phone call, until my mother died and he was forced to be a Dad again – at which point, he basically dumped me onto my stepmother. But he’s not a bad man, and I knew he’d end up in a nursing home within 6 months if I were to leave him in his old apartment so far away from anyone who could actually check in on him. I have two sisters – his own natural daughter, who loves him but would kill him within a week if they were in the same house together, and my stepsister, who loves him but lives in a tiny town 90 minutes from a doctor at 8,500 ft. elevation – way above where Dad can breathe comfortably.
I count it as a blessing that I was born when Dad was 38, and so I’m relatively young (52), with the ability to continue my life once this phase is passed. I see friends my age whose parents are much younger, and I wonder – how do people do this when they’re 70 or older themselves? (A woman in my Dad’s poker group is now 80, and is taking care of her 102-year-old mother who still lives with her!)
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 am12
My parents were in their early 40′s when I came along.
I too think “Thank god I’m YOUNG!!”. I’m not yet 40 … so realistically, I will have a life after this.
Everytime I see people on the “Too old to have children” boards.. I think to myself, sure – there are drawbacks – but in this one situation – it was a HUGE positive.
Because, sometimes I’m pretty close to burned out. And physically – even though I farm as much out to a home health aide as I can – even so – it is work to gait belt a 180 lb 6′ tall woman (my mom was not a dainty little thing) out of bed and into a wheelchair. Or position her in bed, or roll her over and get her up so she can be cleaned up/changed.
That all takes physical strength – and as I’m only 5’1″ – if I were in my 60′s instead of almost 40 … I think it’d be kind of tough.
I am lucky. While we had friction between us (what child/parent doesn’t) – most of that was fully behind us before all this happened. Additionally, my parents are pretty good patients, and relatively good captive house guests. They do not whine or moan or complain about their situation – but revel in still being able to enjoy life and one another’s company.
Also we have cats – which are good for hours of endless amusement.
My hats off to everyone dealing with this situation. Its not easy – whether you move them into your house, or manage their affairs from afar, or relocate yourself to assist them wherever they might be.
December 22, 2011 at 9:38 pm12
I read Jane’s piece in the NYT the other day and was disappointed when she veered off into the “women’s issue” angle too. It’s a human issue. It affects all of us and shouldn’t be an “us vs. them” polarizing topic.
As for being a demure little girl—I don’t think so! One thing I’ve gained from being in charge of my mother’s health care is learning that I have the cojones to speak up when a doctor orders a test or procedure that I think is unnecessary or will do more harm than good in the long run.
December 24, 2011 at 9:38 am12
Just want to mention that it’s not only children who care for parents but aging spouses who care for ill spouses sometimes for years, and often it’s the husband who cares for the wife. Of the three couples I know who are in this situation, one is in their mid-nineties, the others in their mid-eighties. What I’ve observed is the men use the same focus and adaptibility that served them during their work lives to learn how to do the housework, cooking, laundry, shopping (in all cases they’d been banned from these areas by the wives their whole married lives and didn’t have a clue at first), dealing with the medical/industrial complex, and simply caring for their wives with great tenderness, patience and little help from the outside world.
December 24, 2011 at 9:38 am12
The perception that it’s the daughters that care for the parents is everywhere. When my Dad was dying (Parkinsons), I sought advice on rehab facilities for a broken hip from a local doctor who was a neighbor. He said “I’m so glad to hear he has daughters. He’ll do much better with a daughter looking after him.”
When I am with my mother at her assisted living facility (she has dementia), people are often excited that I am her daughter. “You are so lucky!” And then when they learn my mother has three, they get positively giddy. I always mention my brother, but they brush him off.
34% is statistically significant. Plus, the only meaningful statistic is the one that affects you directly, yes? My mother had a one in 5 million chance of developing a heart tumour 10 years ago. Trust me, it wasn’t insignificant.
Caregiving is a burden, no matter if we enjoy it or wouldn’t entrust it to someone else. No matter your gender, age (although I can see where being younger would help), race, etc. My Mom could live another ten years, she’s physically very healthy. But that physical health, and her need to walk a few hours a day, combined with her declining mental capacity, make her extremently difficult to care for. The point made about social security are very true. We are just living longer. There must be a better way.
December 25, 2011 at 9:38 pm12
Good rant, good comments, too. Elder care is in the fore front of my mind at present. I don’t have children, and I wonder what will happen to me when I’m old. Of course, having children is no guarantee that they’ll take care of you. We just put my m-i-l in assisted living, she promptly went in to the hospital with a GI bleed. We’re not sure what’s going to happen next. I could go on for hours on this subject, but I think I’ll just say goodnight. After a day cleaning her house to put it on the market, and then spent visiting in the hospital, I am just worn slick. Sending you best wishes.
January 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm01
Great post, great comments. Any yes, I’d love for you to write more about Medicare — we all need to learn a lot more and do so outside of the political battles. People want so much from Medicare but are clueless about the amount of money that they put in and what it really covers.
I am a Medicare fan, but some time ago I tried to address the issues of pay in versus benefit issues in a post, Does Part D Stand for Deficit? (http://bit.ly/xSo0Ys). I examined stats from my own yearly social security report — and I felt pretty glum about what I observed.
January 10, 2012 at 9:38 am01
I started my career in elder issues back in the late 1980s, working for the Alzheimer’s Association, facilitating support groups. I recall one man specifically, who was the die hard member, offering fantastic support and ideas to all comers. He often remarked on feeling out of place, but also liked to be able to be a support to the occasional other male caregiver who would drop in. His was a story of such heartache, as he cared for his wife for over 17 years as she went through every stage that Alzheimer’s offered.
I do think it odd that the emphasis is on WOMEN, when caregivers all over sacrifice so much, regardless of gender. While there may be, arguably, specific issues that relate to the subgroups, overall, to expound on the needs of two thirds of the caregivers at the expense of the other third is disingenuous and misleading. I think the points raised about the differences in needs based on gender are intriguing, and warrant further investigation. I wonder if there are any health care organizations that offer different assistance based on these concerns, and challenge more effort in this arena. Overall, unpaid family and non-formal caregiving provides the bulk of care in this country to our frailest of citizens.
I will say, historically, women have done much of the caregiving, at the expense of their future fiscal needs. However, that is a whole other policy discussion. We ALL need to understand the consequences of aging, both as caregivers for aging parents/family, and as ones who may need help someday. Perhaps, we will see a generational shift as boomers and their kids age, like we are seeing now in the changes in fathering patterns.
All great fodder for discussion, and I thank you all.